The Story of Christopher Columbus or 'How to be a jerk and get your own holiday'

I'm sure you've wondered at least once why people celebrate Columbus Day. And I'm sure a quick google search revealed that videos of cats were far more intersecting that Columbus day. But fear not for I will teach you all you need to know (and ever so much that you didn't). The first thing that you'll need to know is that our friend Chris didn't want to find America, he wanted to prove that the world was flat. After returning from the Caribean he decided that no the earth wasn't flat (step in the right direction) it was pear-shaped! (step off a cliff)Although this did help his uncles pear buissiness it made him the laughing stock of Europe.

-topher Columbus

Even though Christopher was a jerk (slavery never makes a good impression) he did find the new world, well new-ish, the millions of people living there certainly didn't find it new, but i digress. Without Chris we'd all live in Spain still, and 'merica (that's right apostrophe america) would never have existed... And neither would the debt crisis. Or Disney pop stars... 

well, i'm off to shape my globes into pears now, you know, for accuracy.