The Adventures of the Black Walnut #2: Smoking Area

welcome to Herman Cain's ad about... I'll be honest I don't really know. The video was essentially a bunch of slogans about rebuilding america or something along those lines followed by  a man smoking and a pop song about america. I'd like to raise a point here; The Man with this idea could be the next president of the united states. Also, what the hell was with the cameraman, did he really like the zoom button or was he admiring this mans glorious mustache. I'm sorry but if you're going to admire a mustache do it the right way an stare at Tom Selleck. Thirdly, the smoking bit at the end made no sense. Did they think a middle age man smoking would get the youth vote 'Cuz it's kewl' or the smokers vote because from what I've seen (on anti-smoking commercials)they are too busy fighting against themselves, ninjas or little green goblins. And lastly Herman... Never change.

Where to go in a zombie outbreak

We all know that one day a man named 'Keith' will become a scientist, and Keith the scientist will think "hey, what if I feed my wife the mutated remains of dead people" and voila! You get zombies. And When the undead hordes come for you and your succulent brains you need to know where to go.


Where you'll want to go:


1. The House Of Knives: this place is second only to 'crazy Ed's house of blunt weapons with nails in 'em' in zombie massacring weapons. Knives cut flesh. Zombies are made of flesh. Knives cut zombies. Done and done.


2. Electronics shop: the defense is simple; electricity make zombie go bye-bye and you can become the god of thunder, Zeus. The only downside I could see here would be seeing one of the televisions showing Nicholas cage's 'acting' and you would, of course, shoot the television instead of the zombies becaus end Nick Cage showing off his whopping two emotions


3. Victoria's secret: you last moments should be happy.

4. In 1930 right next to Hitler. Trip the bastard, trip him.

5. Inside the movie zombieland: first off, it's an entire civilization of survivors and secondly (and more importantly) you could get Jesse eisenberg's autograph before he did the social network, getting you enough money to hire...


6,7,8,9,10 etc. Anywhere as long as you have Chuck Norris as your bodyguard: If I need to explain this one to you, I will push you into the zombie horde you uncultured zombie bait.


*Honorable mention*
crazy Ed's bling weapons with nails in 'em: this didn't make the list because Ed would most likely shoot you instead of the zombies. Silly Ed, he's not a zombie


Well, I'll be at Victoria's secret for... Protection

THE WORLD SERIES WINNERS!

...Is what I am not going to talk about at all.

The much more important matter I mast tell you of is that today was the day in 1918 when the independent czecho-Slovak state was established. I mean, come on guys, The Independent Czecho-Slovak state was established who gives a damn about some baseball! in case you thought that was sarcasm, You Clearly do not know me. I enjoy many things that everyone on the internet and/or nine-year olds like; kittens doing "people stuff", Physical comedy, cats, pop tarts, and the word Nyan. Things I do not like include; diseases, Glee, people who play guitar without actually playing guitar, and finally baseball. It's not that I don't like the sport, its a good idea for instance; were a zombie outbreak to occur whist playing it you could use the bat to bash your previous loved ones ever loving brains out. However, It's just too slow of a game for me. it's the same problem with Golf, which is why I propose a new sport entitled "X-treme Golf" (I added the X to appeal to the youths and hoods.). X-treme golf works like normal Golf (referred to as Lame Golf from now on) except for every stroke under par you get an electric shock and having a handicap means you were actually crippled in the sport  Godly activity that is X-treme golf. 


baseball is over, I can now come out of my cocoon and write about the news. Wish me luck!

Albert Pujols and the world series

The world series is well underway, with game three finishing up with a cardinals win. the story of Albert Pujols and the bat that hit everything finished up with Pujols hitting three home runs (having not seen many baseball games I assume this is where he runs to his house before the outfielders catch the ball) leading the Card's to a victory. meaning I believe that they scored more baskets and ran through more wickets than the other guys. The Card's (yeah, I speak baseball, what of it.) now lead 2-1 in the series and i don't know baseball but i'm pretty sure that's good. the cardinals players stepped across all four bases sixteen times to the ranger's seven which means unless the rules have been changed to incorporate  golf scoring St. Louis may be proud. I cant write about baseball, but its news.

I restrained myself from making any 'Pujols' Butt jokes all post and I am proud of that.